|
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.God, I hated her for ruining the goodthing we d had going.Hated Jason forruining it with his stupid drunken hormones.Did what he and I did togethermean so little to him that he could casuallymess around with someone else anddeclare it didn t matter? Even if we hadn tpledged our undying troth, we d had anunspoken agreement of monogamy.And,penetration or not, what he had donecounted as sex in my estimation.My phone was buzzing, announcingan incoming text, but I refused to look at it.I turned the phone off.Two could play atsilence.I wanted Jason to feel what it waslike to be left hanging and wonderingwhere he stood.I was pissed and wanted to punish him but I honestly didn t intend itto be a breakup.However, sometimessilence can snowball and pride canbecome a wall impossible to breakthrough. Chapter Twenty-oneWhoever said silence is golden knew what the hell they were talkingabout.As the door slammed behind Anna,I kicked myself for confessing somethingthat hadn t needed to be told.And then Iwas literally kicking out, knocking over achair, hurling my phone against the wall,sweeping the clutter of dishes off thekitchen counter so they fell to the floorwith a satisfying smash.Rage rushedthrough me and I embraced the feeling.Controlling my emotions was a dailystruggle.After the accident, I d had to relearn, like a two-year-old, how to reactto frustrations in appropriate ways, but atthat moment, it felt great to let emotiontake over.A couple of minutes later, staring atthe wreckage around me not so much.Instead of ruining my stuff, I should vebeen running after Anna and begging herforgiveness.That s what normal peoplewould do.Now she was gone, and Icouldn t even call her, since my phonewas smashed.Still shaking from theadrenaline rush, I punched in her numberanyway, but the cell was dead.Crap! I dhave to wait until I got to work and call from one of the office phones.I needed to get moving or I d belate, but I felt as drained as if I d run amarathon, and terrified I d ruined my bestchance at happiness.Dropping down ontoan armchair, I replayed over and over inmy mind how the promising makeup scenehad gone wrong.I d been so close tohaving Anna back again.Now God knewwhat she was thinking.Why the fuck had Itold her about Lisa?I leaned back and closed my eyes,and when I opened them again, I was morethan a little late.Calling in sick sounded like a good option, but instead I decidedto start late and skimp on the cleaning.Thejanitorial service trusted me and didn tcheck up on my work like they had when Ifirst started.I skipped dinner and hurried to thebus stop.As restless and upset as I felt,cleaning offices was the last thing Iwanted to do, so when I got off at my stopand my friend Harrison called me over, Iwent to join him and the other homelessguys in the park.Harrison offered me the bottle hewas holding. Haven t seen you muchlately, man. I took a swallow and handed itback. Been seeing this girl.Keeping mebusy. The heat of the alcohol slippedthrough my body like molten gold and tookthe edge off my anxiety.A grin split Harrison s pockmarkedface. That s a good kind of busy tohave. I stayed, talking to the guys with noplace special to go, until the treesshadows grew long.I glanced blearily atmy watch. Shit.I ve gotta go. I staggered across the street to thebuilding, which suddenly looked more like a prison than an office complex.Isquinted and struggled to jam the key inthe lock.After I got inside and entered thealarm code, I sat at the receptionist s deskand rested my head on my folded arms fora while.The world floated around me,and I felt kind of queasy but also feltpretty good.When I woke up, it was well pastmidnight.I hadn t called Anna to offer anapology, and now it was too late at night.I d be more likely to piss her off forwaking her up than earn her forgiveness.A drink of water from the cooler didlittle to alleviate my dry mouth or pounding headache.I went around thebuilding emptying wastebaskets, the maintask that would prove I d been there.Office workers wouldn t be too aware ofmessy carpets or scuffs on the corridorfloors, but overflowing baskets pissedthem right off.In less than an hour, I locked up thebuilding and went to wait for the bushome.Sitting on a bench in the dead ofnight, no traffic, no other people, only me,made me realize there s a fine linebetween peaceful solitude and achingloneliness.I was pining for Anna.But she was out of reach.I couldn t turn up on herdoorstep in the middle of the night afterthe bomb I d dropped and expect a warmreception.I caught the bus home and stopped tobuy a six-pack at the convenience storearound the corner before I went home.Isat up and drank most of the beers bymorning, then passed out and slept till lateafternoon.I woke feeling queasy anddizzy, which probably had a lot to do withmissing several meals.I couldn t blow offwork again, so I got my shit together, hada beer with my sandwich, then scooted outthe door. A full day had passed since Annahad walked out of my apartment.Was theball in her court or mine? Should I getmyself to the nearest pay phone and call tobeg forgiveness, or wait for her to beready to talk to me? I wasn t sure, and thatindecision froze me, so I did nothing.I dropped by the park to check inwith Harrison and his crew again
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pldoc.pisz.plpdf.pisz.plhanula1950.keep.pl
|