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. I m scared shitless, I said, flashingher an apologetic smile.Amy laughed. At least you re honest, she said, motioning me toward the vinyl-covered bed. I think that might qualify asthe best answer I ve heard all week. Shesat down on a rolling chair beside the bedand began tapping on a computer. Goahead and get comfortable and we ll getstarted. I inhaled and tried to make myself comfortable as I reclined.Nothing wasreally comfortable about it, though.Theroom was too cold, the pillow was stiff,the paper covering the bed crackledloudly as I moved against it, and there wassomething so final about finding out if Iwas having a boy or a girl.I also knew Icouldn t get comfortable because Judewasn t here with me. Go ahead and roll up your shirt, shesaid, grabbing a tube from her cart. Andyou ll be happy to know that some geniusinvented a warmer for this belly lubegunk, so you won t hit the ceiling when Isquirt some on your tummy. I almost smiled as I pulled my shirt up. Belly lube gunk? Is that the technicalterm for it? Amy shook the tube and squeezed agood-size blob just above my belly button. As technical as I ll ever get, she said,grabbing the ultrasound reader andlowering it to my stomach. I m going totake a quick look at your baby s lungs,heart, and spine, and then we candetermine the gender if you like. I want to know, I said, as shedistributed the blob around.Amy pressed a button on a remote andthe TV in front of me clicked on.It wasnothing but a bunch of darkish static, untilall of a sudden a white little bean-shapedthing with arms and legs showed up on thescreen. There s your little peanut, she said,rolling the instrument to give a different view.I choked on a sob that came out ofnowhere.It was primal everything aboutmy reaction to watching the baby insideme on a TV.Amy handed me a couple oftissues right before my first tears fell.Shewas an old pro.These tears had nothing to do withhormones or me being one giant hot messfor the better part of a month.These tearswere the kind that came from deep withinyour soul.They were the tears when lifewas created or taken away, and I wasn tsure if they d ever let up. This is one healthy little baby you vegot cooking in here, Lucy, Amy said aftera while. Everything looks great. Another assault of tears. You ready to find out if it s a boy orgirl? she asked, shifting the view yetagain.I nodded, because I was pastwords.The door creaked open, filling theroom with a ray of sharp white light as abody slid inside. Am I too late? Jude asked, closingthe door. No, Amy answered, you re just intime. Luce? he said, coming toward me. Am I too late? he repeated with a wholelot of meaning between his words.It took a moment for my eyes toreadjust, but when they did and I saw theexpression on his face, my heart kind ofbroke and burst at the same instant.He d made it.He hadn t let me down.He washere for me when I needed him most,looking tortured and anxious and as scaredshitless as I was.It was the most beautiful sight I d everseen. No, Jude, I said, extending my handtoward him. You re not too late. He took my hand and knelt downbeside me. I m so sorry, Luce, he said,wrapping his other hand around mine. Ilove you so damn much.And I love thatbaby in your belly so damn much. Hepaused, biting the inside of his cheek.Seeming at a loss for words, he leaned hisforehead into our entwined hands andclosed his eyes. I had so much else Iwanted to say, but I m sorry, and I love you.both pretty much sums it all up. I was convinced that this past month mytear ducts had taken it upon themselves torevolt and catch up on eight years of tryingnot to cry. I m sorry, and I love you,too, I said.He was right: Those twosentences really did say it all. I take it you re the father? Amy said,fighting a smile as she watched us.Jude s eyes opened.He lifted hisshoulders. Yeah.I m the father. Well, then, Daddy, Amy said,glancing at her computer screen. Youready to know what you re having? Jude s gaze shifted to the TV and hisface went blank.Blank with awe.He dbeen too caught up in our sorry-lovemakeup that he hadn t noticed the baby on the screen.But he did now.And hecouldn t look away.He could barely blink. Look at that, Amy said, shaking herhead. Baby s awake now.She must likeher daddy s voice. My head whipped to the side. She? You re having a little girl, Amy said,winking at me before glancing at Jude.He was still transfixed, totallyenamored as he watched our baby girl sarms and legs move.Then a tear bubbledin the corner of his eye, before it felldown his cheek.It was the first tear I d seen Jude shed. How are you? I asked softly. Speechless, he breathed, studying thescreen like it wasn t real. That s the first tear I ve seen you cry, I said, skimming my thumb down the moisttrail it had left down his face. That s the first tear I have evercried, he said, clearing his throat. Ican t imagine a better time to let one fallthan finding out I m going to have a littlegirl with you, Luce. Yeah, I said, I can t either. Well, we re all done here, Amy said. But I ll print you out some photos to puton your fridge and show off to all yourfriends, that kind of thing.So, say bye-bye,Mommy and Daddy. Bye, baby, I whispered, watching thescreen.She was still moving around,almost dancing.She really was mydaughter. Bye, baby girl, Jude said, before thescreen went black. You two can have a few moments inhere, Amy said, wiping my belly off withsome tissues before standing up. Andhere are your first baby pictures. Shehanded me a strand of six photos takenfrom different angles.All of them broughta smile to my face.This was our baby.Our baby girl.Surreal was the word of the day. Do you have some scissors in here? Jude said, wiping his eyes with the backof his hand. I want to put one in mywallet. Amy smiled at him and pulled a pairfrom her cart.Cutting the top one free, shehanded it to him. I don t need long to know when a baby s going to be wellloved and cared for, she said, handingthe picture to Jude before heading for thedoor. I didn t need more than a fewseconds with the two of you to know yourlittle girl is one lucky baby. She smiledand started closing the door. Take yourtime. Jude carefully folded his photo beforesliding it into his wallet, his expressionpeaceful. I m so sorry I didn t tell you rightaway, Jude, I said, swinging my legsaround as I sat up
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